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Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
and then she couldn't fall back asleep.
Hahahahahahahahaha. This day promises to be insane. Tough. Difficult. Still sick.
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Friday, December 17, 2010
this day, she is a sunny day
So I actually took the kids out front to play. Gave Drew's friend the scarf I made her. Took out all the recycling, compost & garbage.
O, I mopped the kitchen.
Marty goes out tonight. It's his Monday.
Feeling: bbbbbla.
O, I mopped the kitchen.
Marty goes out tonight. It's his Monday.
Feeling: bbbbbla.
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Monday, December 13, 2010
if i'm going to be honest with you
i totally, seriously, am completely in love with Lady Gaga.
if that turns you away, so be it, but if anything is based on anything, it's honesty.
if that turns you away, so be it, but if anything is based on anything, it's honesty.
- cleaned out litter box, and i mean bleach, water, the whole works!
- oh yesterday i forgot to add: cleaned microwave! mhmm
- today washed those horrid n-old diapers ahah suk
- TODAY I EXERCISED AT HOME HERE with the kids around can one even classify it as such?
- and CURRENTLY i am halfassedly culinarying some potato? salad? uhh.
- this is what happens when i don't invest in meat for my dinners, and i get lost as to what centre point to arrange my many veggies and side dishes around???!???????
- POTATOS ARE MEAT RIGHT
- umm
- i began work on two (2) christmas cards
- and looked around at what burnaby has to offer in terms of sports & rec for a crotchety old crunchy lady named ME.
- the kids are aight, not all that in ur face today.
- my bro called, distressed, and angry, and he hung up on me, and i don't blame him for that, as there was nothing i could offer him to soothe him. but what did i immediately do?
- prescription drugs (the irony will not be lost on him, no, in fact, it will be downright grating to him)
- offered up my worry to the Lord, and stopped what i was doing and prayed with the kids for my dear brother.
side note: i like it that drew is now bringing leila along with him on ventures upstairs to get something, so he's less alone (scared). :)
Sunday, December 12, 2010
this has been a most busy weekend!
so many things i want, yet so few of them i need.
eg: cbc shirts.
marty was strategically off work Friday, so we got some house stuff and errand stuff done before he left with Bryan for "Gibbies" (lalmarties):
- steamcleaned most of the living room (2 tanks only, yay!)
- grocery shopped (pry-smart) for the first time via bus (o solo me-o, avec music earbuds, was nicely nice time for $94+a tims)
- boy this sounds like an awful movie marty's watching (machete)
i was up late getting stuff ready to leave to the S`Coast with the kids, as Dan was picking us up in the morning.
And he did.
And we ferried.
And there was much rejoicing (inwardly, for the children were most well behaved and neither had inconvenient poos)
Hung out in Steve & Celia's adorably charming house for awhile, including a very nice, quiet time when everyone else except Celia & I went out for a walk, during which she and I chatted, ate secret candy, and knit a few stitches. Then they all came back, and I had to abruptly leave with Bryerton. That was distressing, as I do not adjust well to sudden changes in Momsponsibility (going from being Mom-On to Mom-Off-Duty). Also, leaving my family behind (esp Marty, whom I was missing) was hard, but I did know beforehand that Bryan wanted to leave in the afternoon, as he had CAKES to BAKES before Kevin's birthday party.
So, on the ferry ride back, I adjusted. And knit a few stitches :]
My, but baking cheesecakes (incl their crusts) is some amount of work. Uh, past that threshold where I'd be likely to embark upon such a journey of my own volition. And I noted Bryan could use some kitchen gadgetry/toolage, and I created a list in my head, as Christmas nears, And There Was A Bit More Rejoicing.
Kevin stopped by! And spontaneous shots of Jack Daniel's. I added in a buncha chips, a chocolate bar, a lack of dinner and lunch really, and an apricot beer, and HOOM suddenly I didn't feel so well. So I seized the opportunity to lay down on a couch, and did so, And There Was Some Relaxing.
But I stuck`er out. And am glad I did. For then, whom should arrive but Jamie and April! Hoorah! We walked down to Kevin's, a winding way through downtown Vancouver's streets, but umbrellas were plentiful, and besides, I could be soaked to the bone (nearly wrote 'boan') and not care, if I was walking with my friends!
At Kevin's, I met Miles, I met some other folk, there was pooling and hottubbing, but not by me so much, girl 'problems' doncha know, but I did spend some nice nice time in the sauna with Carolina. We talked of Portugal ("50 days!" she sed), and were joined by some Egyptian men, and had some good conversation, but then I had to go out of there. Back upstairs, fun conversations were had, and my only regret is that I didn't engage the infamous Ratha (et al) more, but I hope to see those folk again soon. The CHEESECAKES were a hit. Good times, good people, and lo', I realized I had missed my last bus from Production. Oh, also there were some pants-changing, and I got to wear Kevin's !TEARAWAYS! during!
April very generously drove me me me me, all the way home! Lovely tired lady.
Wow that was some long description of Saturday.
Sunday rose too early, but I managed to drag my rear out of bed eventually, and me`n`the man`n`the kids plomped down the hill to the skytrain, then the CANADA LINE woo, to the SHAW FAMILY CHRISTMAS PARTY at the Richmond OLYMPIC Oval!! The commute took nearly an entire fare's length, but BOY O BOY it was fun time! Good breakfast again, and such a neat venue. Bouncy castle, long lineup for a balloon alien (tempered by some airbrush tattoos), much tea and coffee, L stroller nap, D&M fun cute skating!!, I SAW RICK HANSEN WORKING OUT!!!!!, no Santa pics that's okay though, scored some lunch too hehe, RICK HANSEN SAID "hello" TO ME!!!, and then a long, very tiredsak/headache commute home.
O, and the gifts for the kids: babydoll for L, TRANSFORMERforDrew!
And then tonight, some adorable sweet snuggles with Drew before bedtime. Aww, what a sweetie.
Mk on with my laptoproductive night.
eg: cbc shirts.
marty was strategically off work Friday, so we got some house stuff and errand stuff done before he left with Bryan for "Gibbies" (lalmarties):
- steamcleaned most of the living room (2 tanks only, yay!)
- grocery shopped (pry-smart) for the first time via bus (o solo me-o, avec music earbuds, was nicely nice time for $94+a tims)
- boy this sounds like an awful movie marty's watching (machete)
i was up late getting stuff ready to leave to the S`Coast with the kids, as Dan was picking us up in the morning.
And he did.
And we ferried.
And there was much rejoicing (inwardly, for the children were most well behaved and neither had inconvenient poos)
Hung out in Steve & Celia's adorably charming house for awhile, including a very nice, quiet time when everyone else except Celia & I went out for a walk, during which she and I chatted, ate secret candy, and knit a few stitches. Then they all came back, and I had to abruptly leave with Bryerton. That was distressing, as I do not adjust well to sudden changes in Momsponsibility (going from being Mom-On to Mom-Off-Duty). Also, leaving my family behind (esp Marty, whom I was missing) was hard, but I did know beforehand that Bryan wanted to leave in the afternoon, as he had CAKES to BAKES before Kevin's birthday party.
So, on the ferry ride back, I adjusted. And knit a few stitches :]
My, but baking cheesecakes (incl their crusts) is some amount of work. Uh, past that threshold where I'd be likely to embark upon such a journey of my own volition. And I noted Bryan could use some kitchen gadgetry/toolage, and I created a list in my head, as Christmas nears, And There Was A Bit More Rejoicing.
Kevin stopped by! And spontaneous shots of Jack Daniel's. I added in a buncha chips, a chocolate bar, a lack of dinner and lunch really, and an apricot beer, and HOOM suddenly I didn't feel so well. So I seized the opportunity to lay down on a couch, and did so, And There Was Some Relaxing.
But I stuck`er out. And am glad I did. For then, whom should arrive but Jamie and April! Hoorah! We walked down to Kevin's, a winding way through downtown Vancouver's streets, but umbrellas were plentiful, and besides, I could be soaked to the bone (nearly wrote 'boan') and not care, if I was walking with my friends!
At Kevin's, I met Miles, I met some other folk, there was pooling and hottubbing, but not by me so much, girl 'problems' doncha know, but I did spend some nice nice time in the sauna with Carolina. We talked of Portugal ("50 days!" she sed), and were joined by some Egyptian men, and had some good conversation, but then I had to go out of there. Back upstairs, fun conversations were had, and my only regret is that I didn't engage the infamous Ratha (et al) more, but I hope to see those folk again soon. The CHEESECAKES were a hit. Good times, good people, and lo', I realized I had missed my last bus from Production. Oh, also there were some pants-changing, and I got to wear Kevin's !TEARAWAYS! during!
April very generously drove me me me me, all the way home! Lovely tired lady.
Wow that was some long description of Saturday.
Sunday rose too early, but I managed to drag my rear out of bed eventually, and me`n`the man`n`the kids plomped down the hill to the skytrain, then the CANADA LINE woo, to the SHAW FAMILY CHRISTMAS PARTY at the Richmond OLYMPIC Oval!! The commute took nearly an entire fare's length, but BOY O BOY it was fun time! Good breakfast again, and such a neat venue. Bouncy castle, long lineup for a balloon alien (tempered by some airbrush tattoos), much tea and coffee, L stroller nap, D&M fun cute skating!!, I SAW RICK HANSEN WORKING OUT!!!!!, no Santa pics that's okay though, scored some lunch too hehe, RICK HANSEN SAID "hello" TO ME!!!, and then a long, very tiredsak/headache commute home.
O, and the gifts for the kids: babydoll for L, TRANSFORMERforDrew!
And then tonight, some adorable sweet snuggles with Drew before bedtime. Aww, what a sweetie.
Mk on with my laptoproductive night.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
create a new post
it's just too dang easy. that's why you get the crap of the crop, instead of da creme o da crop.
copyright, 2010, heather laurabushious hraaahahaxel.
sitting upstairs after the kids 'r in bed, and at first was 'mister bright side' in my head because it was on the radio and i, for some reason, listened to it, but then it was 'stupid girl' by, um, garbage, and, yeah, it felt like... i was singing to myself.
i can't put this all blame on him, that's just using evasive techniquios. problem is, i'd have to talk to a professional about this. no, under higher magnification, problem IS i'd have to SAY THE WORDS OUT LOUD and i've never done that before never done that before
shudder at that very thought.
how do you like, describe in minute (ugh) detail your problem when the problem you have disgusts you? like, even USING YOUR MOUTH TO SAY THE WORDS THAT DESCRIBE IT? verbs, adjectives, nouns... ugh, all disgusting, all make my throat close up in a cat-cough kinda way. choking on dust. MY OWN DUST.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW is not even an ew-enough word to describe the feeling.
et puis, just like K'NAAN, i'll have to go back, i'll have to go back, i'll have to go...
How Long Has This Been Going On, Heather?
SINCE I WAS A CHILD
Why, Heather?
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FUCKOFF I DON'T KNOW
When Did You First Believe You Weren't Like, You Know?
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCKOFF NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS crap i know you're just trying to help me, but you are job is that to help people, so you probably get this a lot! FUCKOFF
DYA THINK THEY'RE RELATED HEATHER?
DYA FUCKIN THINK, THERAPING PERSON???????????????????????????????????
and if so
SO FUCKING WHAT
here's what i want:
- a month long (at least) stay in a tropical spa-like retreat for disgusting fuckwads like me (um, free of course)
- AWESOME MEDICATIONS that make me feel like SUPERME and ACTUALLY REALLY SRSLY TAKE MY ANXIETY AWAY BUT MAYBE NOT MY MEMORY MK THAT'S STILL A LITTLE DISuhhhhh SCARY MK
- this to NOT leak out to the gen. pub. because it's GROSS and i have such little face i feel, if i lose any more i'll just not exist in my friends' minds.
- righteous, solid, heartfelt support by qualified CBT/etc persons that goes on for the rest of my life. but when i'm doing that, it has to feel like i'm DOING SOMETHING AWESOMEFUN like canoeing
- a rewrite of the bible that doesn't consider me GOING TO FUCKING HELL for being WHO I AM
- oh, and while we're at it: WORLD PEACE, PLEASE.
so there we go. concise, precise, isn't that nice.
copyright, 2010, heather laurabushious hraaahahaxel.
sitting upstairs after the kids 'r in bed, and at first was 'mister bright side' in my head because it was on the radio and i, for some reason, listened to it, but then it was 'stupid girl' by, um, garbage, and, yeah, it felt like... i was singing to myself.
i can't put this all blame on him, that's just using evasive techniquios. problem is, i'd have to talk to a professional about this. no, under higher magnification, problem IS i'd have to SAY THE WORDS OUT LOUD and i've never done that before never done that before
shudder at that very thought.
how do you like, describe in minute (ugh) detail your problem when the problem you have disgusts you? like, even USING YOUR MOUTH TO SAY THE WORDS THAT DESCRIBE IT? verbs, adjectives, nouns... ugh, all disgusting, all make my throat close up in a cat-cough kinda way. choking on dust. MY OWN DUST.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW is not even an ew-enough word to describe the feeling.
et puis, just like K'NAAN, i'll have to go back, i'll have to go back, i'll have to go...
How Long Has This Been Going On, Heather?
SINCE I WAS A CHILD
Why, Heather?
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FUCKOFF I DON'T KNOW
When Did You First Believe You Weren't Like, You Know?
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCKOFF NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS crap i know you're just trying to help me, but you are job is that to help people, so you probably get this a lot! FUCKOFF
DYA THINK THEY'RE RELATED HEATHER?
DYA FUCKIN THINK, THERAPING PERSON???????????????????????????????????
and if so
SO FUCKING WHAT
here's what i want:
- a month long (at least) stay in a tropical spa-like retreat for disgusting fuckwads like me (um, free of course)
- AWESOME MEDICATIONS that make me feel like SUPERME and ACTUALLY REALLY SRSLY TAKE MY ANXIETY AWAY BUT MAYBE NOT MY MEMORY MK THAT'S STILL A LITTLE DISuhhhhh SCARY MK
- this to NOT leak out to the gen. pub. because it's GROSS and i have such little face i feel, if i lose any more i'll just not exist in my friends' minds.
- righteous, solid, heartfelt support by qualified CBT/etc persons that goes on for the rest of my life. but when i'm doing that, it has to feel like i'm DOING SOMETHING AWESOMEFUN like canoeing
- a rewrite of the bible that doesn't consider me GOING TO FUCKING HELL for being WHO I AM
- oh, and while we're at it: WORLD PEACE, PLEASE.
so there we go. concise, precise, isn't that nice.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
the flight attendant asked if we wanted nuts & bolts, "i mean, bits & bites". i was like, NUTS YEAAH
what point this is, is that blog seems more preservationist than twitter or, as we WELL KNOW, facebook.
Drew has buyer's remorse (funny, i paid for the item) about some novelty erasers he just got. He's saying he wishes he got the one with the poop. But in the store, my son was more mature than me, saying "ewww" rather than "BAHAHAHAH POOP".
I so love the sunlit glint of the far-off seagull, wheeling against the black storm clouds. I like to think the same thing would be happening, back before we Euro-trash (semi-ha) cleared the forests for roads. Imagine the silence, imagine the noise.
Imagine the nose.
Drew has buyer's remorse (funny, i paid for the item) about some novelty erasers he just got. He's saying he wishes he got the one with the poop. But in the store, my son was more mature than me, saying "ewww" rather than "BAHAHAHAH POOP".
I so love the sunlit glint of the far-off seagull, wheeling against the black storm clouds. I like to think the same thing would be happening, back before we Euro-trash (semi-ha) cleared the forests for roads. Imagine the silence, imagine the noise.
Imagine the nose.
"There is no way this juice is seven dollars."
I said, I said to walmart.
I need a fill.
I braded (haha) my hair for this occasion.
I need a cut, minus one.
My head is killing me. Terrible, awful nightmares of terrorists, headaches, non-sleeping toddlers, and other stuff that's thankfully slipping away. Oh yeah. The feminist soldier was on both Letterman and Conan in one night, before the terrorists cut her into chunks. My pastor asked me to speak at the 7-11 about how this event has impacted me, my world view. It was also the day France changed colours: from red to green.
SMELLY DIAPERS GET IN THE WAY OF MY CREATIVE EXPLUSION!
I need a fill.
I braded (haha) my hair for this occasion.
I need a cut, minus one.
My head is killing me. Terrible, awful nightmares of terrorists, headaches, non-sleeping toddlers, and other stuff that's thankfully slipping away. Oh yeah. The feminist soldier was on both Letterman and Conan in one night, before the terrorists cut her into chunks. My pastor asked me to speak at the 7-11 about how this event has impacted me, my world view. It was also the day France changed colours: from red to green.
SMELLY DIAPERS GET IN THE WAY OF MY CREATIVE EXPLUSION!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
my head hurts and i am sweaty
and i'm not even on the plane yet!
ahh, packing: down to the wire. this is how i roll, baby. txt`ing marty to come home from work early was met with texty silence. wondering htf i'm gonna get anything done with this grounds ctte meeting this evening. i doubt it'll be short, which would normally delight me, but EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE stuff to do! children to bathe! laundry! dishes! robot-cleanies! cameratic devices to charge! gifts to wrap! in theory. why does my caps lock keep turning itself on? heh.
me n Drew just learned how saltines are made (yaaaay, youtube!). pretty cool, but not as neat as at milhouse's dad's cracker factory. sigh. why can't real life ever be that cool?
hehe
this may be my last entry before our trip. heartbreaking, ay!
ahh, packing: down to the wire. this is how i roll, baby. txt`ing marty to come home from work early was met with texty silence. wondering htf i'm gonna get anything done with this grounds ctte meeting this evening. i doubt it'll be short, which would normally delight me, but EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE stuff to do! children to bathe! laundry! dishes! robot-cleanies! cameratic devices to charge! gifts to wrap! in theory. why does my caps lock keep turning itself on? heh.
me n Drew just learned how saltines are made (yaaaay, youtube!). pretty cool, but not as neat as at milhouse's dad's cracker factory. sigh. why can't real life ever be that cool?
hehe
this may be my last entry before our trip. heartbreaking, ay!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
this shit needs to be fruitier, like, sourer.
the halloween candy, that is
lol marty thought my typing was pop rocks. because of the nails, you see.
souciant. souciante?
totes high right now. is high a cool enough word? i'm trying to be cool. hahaha. WELL THEN I GUESS I'M JUST A BIG LAME.
stoned?
decided since t-minus 2 days til i enter a giant metal machine that somehow FLIES THROUGH THE AIR and usually doesn't crash, that i'd take my doctor's recommendation and pop 2 clonazepams just to see how it does me in.
what i don't like is the crispy spot at the centre of my vision, but that may have been from concentrating for too long on a very close, very small space. but that is beside the point, and we shall not discuss that here. no now, anyway.
a-a-a-all i need is a chicken wire and a chicken feed and a p p p p policy for a new found land fertility HA
babaa dadada do do do, HE COUNTRY.
get gone from a dirty town, EVERYBODY NOW
see, the problem with these mini tootsie roll pops is that they're just too mini. not enough spherical mass to pack as fruity a punch as i'd like. my daughter eats them, crunches them (like gollum) in 20 seconds.
i took david sedaris back to the library today. no, not because i didn't want him, but because i had finished with him, and it was his time. now i need to get my meatpaws on 'certainty' by madeleine... thiebhb something. book club, doncha know.
if i type this all really fast, it'll be the most accuratest to my real thoughts, right? HRM?
i miss sean macleay. i was always so proud to be his BFF. but now i'm like his AF. aquaintance forev. mahh. so, you say, heather, put this energy into writing him a note or sth, and then REBUILD but i think the kids thing ahhh, makes a space btw us that i duno how to smash, without smashing my kids, that is.
9:17 and all's well...
this feels like the end. whatever it was i thought i was supposed to write about tonight is either already on the page, now, or gone the way of nearly every other coherent thought in my head. i just wish i could find the leak, so i could put a jar over it, and tape it to my head, to catch this stuff that has always made me Heather but now i've leaked most of that out so i'm just usually Mom.
not that there's anything wrong with that.
lol marty thought my typing was pop rocks. because of the nails, you see.
souciant. souciante?
totes high right now. is high a cool enough word? i'm trying to be cool. hahaha. WELL THEN I GUESS I'M JUST A BIG LAME.
stoned?
decided since t-minus 2 days til i enter a giant metal machine that somehow FLIES THROUGH THE AIR and usually doesn't crash, that i'd take my doctor's recommendation and pop 2 clonazepams just to see how it does me in.
what i don't like is the crispy spot at the centre of my vision, but that may have been from concentrating for too long on a very close, very small space. but that is beside the point, and we shall not discuss that here. no now, anyway.
a-a-a-all i need is a chicken wire and a chicken feed and a p p p p policy for a new found land fertility HA
babaa dadada do do do, HE COUNTRY.
get gone from a dirty town, EVERYBODY NOW
see, the problem with these mini tootsie roll pops is that they're just too mini. not enough spherical mass to pack as fruity a punch as i'd like. my daughter eats them, crunches them (like gollum) in 20 seconds.
i took david sedaris back to the library today. no, not because i didn't want him, but because i had finished with him, and it was his time. now i need to get my meatpaws on 'certainty' by madeleine... thiebhb something. book club, doncha know.
if i type this all really fast, it'll be the most accuratest to my real thoughts, right? HRM?
i miss sean macleay. i was always so proud to be his BFF. but now i'm like his AF. aquaintance forev. mahh. so, you say, heather, put this energy into writing him a note or sth, and then REBUILD but i think the kids thing ahhh, makes a space btw us that i duno how to smash, without smashing my kids, that is.
9:17 and all's well...
this feels like the end. whatever it was i thought i was supposed to write about tonight is either already on the page, now, or gone the way of nearly every other coherent thought in my head. i just wish i could find the leak, so i could put a jar over it, and tape it to my head, to catch this stuff that has always made me Heather but now i've leaked most of that out so i'm just usually Mom.
not that there's anything wrong with that.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
o, before i forget
my first experience with clonazepam (0.5mg): more subtle than "equiv" (1mg) of lorazepam, slower on the uptake, i think. less blurriness or slurriness. however, a strong sense of LOVE for things and people, hahah. ecstasy, anyone? hrrrrrrrrrrr.
kinda slower wearing off, with a sleepy taper. hints of a sleepish headache, but that could also be the too-much-caffeine-today.
i'll have to try 1mg before thursday (teh flight). and, with the nearly-constant anxiety i've been experiencing this week, finding an opportunity SHOULDNA BE A PROB!
kinda slower wearing off, with a sleepy taper. hints of a sleepish headache, but that could also be the too-much-caffeine-today.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
the gloss wearing off my gels
[i sez to myself i sez, 'exactly where is this blog COMPELLING?'] but gotta be tru to myself so:
- planted those darn bulbs (tx for the 'help', D & L)
- got rakes out for the kids, then when they lost interest (and when Leila lost interest in clinging to me), raked leaves from street & parking spots. eventually neighbours pitched in, too :)
- actually set a date!! for us to have dinner & discussion w/ C&B (at their place!)!
- finished Drew's haircut (hahahahahahaha)
- robotted living room
- CLEANED TUB OUT woh and
- bathed both kids.
- hand-washed urvry dish and even cleaned countartops
- picked out clothes to wear to apply at LDB tmrw morn (we shall see if has any effect on wrinkliness of shirt)
- um, fed & watered cat. 2 loads laundry (but no folding - woops).
- continued to experience hot & cold flashes while zoloft---->cymbalta (day 5 woop woop)
- i dunno, some other stuff i'm sure is lifechanging.
harrrrrrrrrr.
yes so now you see my goings-to-bees are: knit de bag. eat a few halloween chocolates. maybe, if i'm feeling zesty, read more Sedaris. or zone out on the web. a ha ha ha ha ha. and then sleep.
peace out, yo.
GORDO IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 3 is now officially a province-wide DAY OF CELEBRATION! The pompous ASSHOLE that tore my post-secondary dreams from my hands (and thus, my CAREER) has resigned from being premier!
O HAPPY DAY!
Not that this fixes anything, really... The BC Libs are still gonna come up with some "liberal" d-bag (read: extreme conservative) for the next election, which they will probably win, and I really honestly don't see anyone fixing post-secondary in this province, but, still, today?
IT'S DANCEY-DANCE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
O HAPPY DAY!
Not that this fixes anything, really... The BC Libs are still gonna come up with some "liberal" d-bag (read: extreme conservative) for the next election, which they will probably win, and I really honestly don't see anyone fixing post-secondary in this province, but, still, today?
IT'S DANCEY-DANCE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i miss my blog.
it is pretty, or has the potential to be, and and inside, i can express myself in a way that no other medium available to me can satisty.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
vvv
Dorman Dr, Burnaby, BC V5A 3L7, Canada
http://m.google.co.uk/u/m/BgAMQo
http://m.google.co.uk/u/m/BgAMQo
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Thursday, September 23, 2010
from today's 24 hours
P 10: "While the world looks set to halve poverty and hunger within 5 years..."
I try hard not to be a cynic, but five years? Really? Says who?
I'm just saying that it seems to me that we aren't on track...
I try hard not to be a cynic, but five years? Really? Says who?
I'm just saying that it seems to me that we aren't on track...
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Tuesday, September 21, 2010
ahh
Laundry folded & put away (team effort!). Bedsheets changed. Showered, even clothes picked out!
in bed now, ready for morning prayer at ethos (7am eak!).
Glad j'accomplish sum stuff twoday.
Mk.
O! ps: kids bathed! groceries shopped! kalu kalay!
in bed now, ready for morning prayer at ethos (7am eak!).
Glad j'accomplish sum stuff twoday.
Mk.
O! ps: kids bathed! groceries shopped! kalu kalay!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.3.1
ADULT ACNE GRRR
i find i'm getting angrier as i get older, hearing of all these treatments for acne that weren't available when i was a teen. though, some treatments were available, but i never knew about them because BLAME PARENTS BLAME PARENTS BLAME PARENTS and it just makes me even angrier.
because in HS my self-esteem was shite, i honestly considered myself the ugliest girl at the school. i certainly had the worst skin. and so i never, EVER had the nerve to show any guy i was interested in that i was interested. i think, had i had access to some treatment for my stupid face, and had it worked, i would have had more self-esteem, and would have perhaps taken a shot at a guy or two [hearing from Sean (Italy lulz) that he would have gone out with me way back when had i shown my interest does not help] [of course we're both happily married now but that bain't the point] [lalala brackets]
on an udder note
today, our phones are disconnected. why? who the effing eff knows. even m @ work is like WHADDAF (via email ooo haxors us). it's not making my curly-ball-self-isolation any better, das foreshore.
random:
i need to cut my nails (and file the green one, lal that sounds gross). i dreamt last night we were at the bay's rly expanded makeup dept (like in that dream w/ celebrities... which one was it... idano), and m waz like SURE MAN GEL NAILZ R AWESOME GET EM and i was like wewet. i also dreamt i got a bunch of housework done, so when i woke up and realized i hadn't, i was like :|
durr durr. L is early nap. we have no groceries. calendar sez marty's "work team" dinner tonight, avec les spouses (moi). but who knows if dad's forgotten about babysitting tonight too, and i can't contact him conventionally neway, boo hiss biss hoo
watched part of DATE NITE last night, but volume (SYTEMBUILDER\tv) was wack so i have missed much dialogue. dialog. oh eff you american standard google chrome auto-spellcheck!
i'd best wrap'er up.
because in HS my self-esteem was shite, i honestly considered myself the ugliest girl at the school. i certainly had the worst skin. and so i never, EVER had the nerve to show any guy i was interested in that i was interested. i think, had i had access to some treatment for my stupid face, and had it worked, i would have had more self-esteem, and would have perhaps taken a shot at a guy or two [hearing from Sean (Italy lulz) that he would have gone out with me way back when had i shown my interest does not help] [of course we're both happily married now but that bain't the point] [lalala brackets]
on an udder note
today, our phones are disconnected. why? who the effing eff knows. even m @ work is like WHADDAF (via email ooo haxors us). it's not making my curly-ball-self-isolation any better, das foreshore.
random:
i need to cut my nails (and file the green one, lal that sounds gross). i dreamt last night we were at the bay's rly expanded makeup dept (like in that dream w/ celebrities... which one was it... idano), and m waz like SURE MAN GEL NAILZ R AWESOME GET EM and i was like wewet. i also dreamt i got a bunch of housework done, so when i woke up and realized i hadn't, i was like :|
durr durr. L is early nap. we have no groceries. calendar sez marty's "work team" dinner tonight, avec les spouses (moi). but who knows if dad's forgotten about babysitting tonight too, and i can't contact him conventionally neway, boo hiss biss hoo
watched part of DATE NITE last night, but volume (SYTEMBUILDER\tv) was wack so i have missed much dialogue. dialog. oh eff you american standard google chrome auto-spellcheck!
i'd best wrap'er up.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
unggg
If it's all simply about having a positive perspective, why is it so dang hard to do?
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Friday, September 17, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
back to school!!
Drew is at preschool, Leila's napping upstairs, my stew is waiting for me in the microwave ! ! !
This is too good!
AND it only gets better from here =) YAY!
This is too good!
AND it only gets better from here =) YAY!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
sad is..
Your knitting needle snaps, and you're too poor to replace it, so your husband "fixes it" using a pencil sharpener.
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Sunday, August 29, 2010
stupid september depression!
always so predictable. and i hate, hate!! tasting the starbucks protein plattahs of 2 years ago. and the distaste, the REPULSION, of coffee!
stupid bcp. stupid us not (EVAR IT SEEMS) making any appointments. STUPID LAZY PROCRASTINATING HEATHER.
to sum it up: STUPID ME
so much :(
agh
my pharmaceutical defenses are minimal, at BEST.
so, after four PLUS hours of inability to know what could make me feel better, what makes me feel better?
i want to KNIT. resume my projects.
READ. something endeepening, like Timothy Findley's Not Wanted on the Voyage.
(GROSS: I was chewing something I assumed to be a bit of lip skin, but it wasn't. It was like a fuzz from my sweater or something. Yes, it could have been worse, but the EUGHHH at it not being what I assumed it was is, initially, the same.)
Perhaps outdoorsy, like, exercise. [excuses: my stupid gut stupid stomach so upset last few days, stupid stupid stupid shit]
sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh. how can a four-letter word (with ridiculous SILENT G) possibly accurately express how i feel right now? ha.
I WILL SAY THUS: i didn't so much 'sit with it' as merely had no freeeeeeeeeking clue what to do, so i layed about in the presence of my family, and o'er time, began to feel bits better.
i hope this keeps going up.
what else?
stupid bcp. stupid us not (EVAR IT SEEMS) making any appointments. STUPID LAZY PROCRASTINATING HEATHER.
to sum it up: STUPID ME
so much :(
agh
my pharmaceutical defenses are minimal, at BEST.
so, after four PLUS hours of inability to know what could make me feel better, what makes me feel better?
i want to KNIT. resume my projects.
READ. something endeepening, like Timothy Findley's Not Wanted on the Voyage.
(GROSS: I was chewing something I assumed to be a bit of lip skin, but it wasn't. It was like a fuzz from my sweater or something. Yes, it could have been worse, but the EUGHHH at it not being what I assumed it was is, initially, the same.)
Perhaps outdoorsy, like, exercise. [excuses: my stupid gut stupid stomach so upset last few days, stupid stupid stupid shit]
sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh. how can a four-letter word (with ridiculous SILENT G) possibly accurately express how i feel right now? ha.
I WILL SAY THUS: i didn't so much 'sit with it' as merely had no freeeeeeeeeking clue what to do, so i layed about in the presence of my family, and o'er time, began to feel bits better.
i hope this keeps going up.
what else?
Saturday, August 28, 2010
stasus
Less depressed than yesterday. Could have to do with block activity outside, and bbq later. And is martys fri.
Now both kuds napping, rare! so i try n snooze too.
Now both kuds napping, rare! so i try n snooze too.
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Friday, August 27, 2010
feeling waaaay too much like two years ago
A thought crosses my mind: maybe only a job could save me.
But then, the answer is almost always 'time'.
But then, the answer is almost always 'time'.
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Tuesday, August 24, 2010
I HAVE FINALLY HAD IT
with this awful sour-laundry smell. IT IS ON MY HANDS, NOW.
hence: je cave and je buy GAIN beef suet sheets to smother my family with allergenic chemicals.
hence: je cave and je buy GAIN beef suet sheets to smother my family with allergenic chemicals.
that face, with an upside-down nail clipping mouth... like a carved pumpkin.
today is day two of re-marvelonation. i shall use it as an excuse for how awful i feel right now. today. yesterday.
i've grown tired of this body
a cumbersome and heavy body
i'm feeling crap about, in particular, my big lack (not the table) of housewifely/SAHM house-cleanliness. order. tidyness. uhh.
the list i made of change to make
it blew away
my head hurts. i [still] just wanna lie on my stomach, on the floor. but i have what should be a very useful appointment with my therapist at 3, and i have no childcare, so with the kids in there with me, i doubt i will divulge what i [hope i] would otherwise share. confess. maaaahahahaah.
no change can happen. i feel like this. i feel stuck with my own destruction, brought upon solely by me.
and this is why i have decided
to pull these old white sheets from my head
lah lah emphasizing a very important LINE last night
lah lah lah creating a zebra with a permanent marker
lah lah suddenly, as B Capt, feeling i no longer simply exist amongst my neighbours, but have a target on my back (the survivor-leader syndrome? haa)
you don't need tricks
and you don't need me
d called me fat this morning, but he eventually took it back and reassigned the insult to a lego guy.
right.
focusing on the negative? immersing? dwelling? why not look up, look ahead, look around you, and think instead of the good things? that have happened since last visit. that happen every day.
wallow wallow. my son is calling me back from my 'blog break'.
i've grown tired of this body
a cumbersome and heavy body
i'm feeling crap about, in particular, my big lack (not the table) of housewifely/SAHM house-cleanliness. order. tidyness. uhh.
the list i made of change to make
it blew away
my head hurts. i [still] just wanna lie on my stomach, on the floor. but i have what should be a very useful appointment with my therapist at 3, and i have no childcare, so with the kids in there with me, i doubt i will divulge what i [hope i] would otherwise share. confess. maaaahahahaah.
no change can happen. i feel like this. i feel stuck with my own destruction, brought upon solely by me.
and this is why i have decided
to pull these old white sheets from my head
lah lah emphasizing a very important LINE last night
lah lah lah creating a zebra with a permanent marker
lah lah suddenly, as B Capt, feeling i no longer simply exist amongst my neighbours, but have a target on my back (the survivor-leader syndrome? haa)
you don't need tricks
and you don't need me
d called me fat this morning, but he eventually took it back and reassigned the insult to a lego guy.
right.
focusing on the negative? immersing? dwelling? why not look up, look ahead, look around you, and think instead of the good things? that have happened since last visit. that happen every day.
wallow wallow. my son is calling me back from my 'blog break'.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
mehhh
I'd like to bring the incidence of threatened violence in my family down to zero.
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Wednesday, August 18, 2010
at s-bux
Just underscoring my experience that cynicism is rampant in the workplace.
I reckon because it's so easy.
I reckon because it's so easy.
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put clearly
It's really just a case of being interrupted. The other choice is to refrain from starting anything at all. Those are my bad days.
Causality?
Causality?
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hahaha
There's something to be said for my artistic style.
Haha, like what?!
:)
Haha, like what?!
:)
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my life, in the middle of a street
L is down for a surprise early nap; not sure how long it'll last.
D is outside w/ N, un-adult-supervised AFAIK, but i resolutely sit inside, listening to the baby monitor.
M left for work not 45 minutes ago.
The days are indeed blending together; that is no longer in question. What I wonder now is whether that's dangerous or not.
I felt good early yesterday; optimistic. We went out to the library to beat the heat, and it went really well.
Sheesh - my problem isn't that I have any problems, it's my attitude regarding the circumstances of my life and the tasks associated with. And my attitude can change in a second - not that it does (I doubt I'm bipolar).
Ahh, just another blog in the 'sphere, chronicling things that don't matter in the grand scheme; problems that aren't problems at all.
D is outside w/ N, un-adult-supervised AFAIK, but i resolutely sit inside, listening to the baby monitor.
M left for work not 45 minutes ago.
The days are indeed blending together; that is no longer in question. What I wonder now is whether that's dangerous or not.
I felt good early yesterday; optimistic. We went out to the library to beat the heat, and it went really well.
Sheesh - my problem isn't that I have any problems, it's my attitude regarding the circumstances of my life and the tasks associated with. And my attitude can change in a second - not that it does (I doubt I'm bipolar).
Ahh, just another blog in the 'sphere, chronicling things that don't matter in the grand scheme; problems that aren't problems at all.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
i want
but will probably not have
hardwood flooring in my co-op townhouse. i don't even really care how it looks, i just want this carpet outta here! wood-looking laminate is fine by me, too!
my want is made greater by my immediate neighbours reportedly putting in laminate in their unit. maybe i should report them :( sth sth about after living here a certain amt of years, you wouldn't have to restore it back to the way the floor was when you moved in.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. such honest, yearny woe, eh!
hardwood flooring in my co-op townhouse. i don't even really care how it looks, i just want this carpet outta here! wood-looking laminate is fine by me, too!
my want is made greater by my immediate neighbours reportedly putting in laminate in their unit. maybe i should report them :( sth sth about after living here a certain amt of years, you wouldn't have to restore it back to the way the floor was when you moved in.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. such honest, yearny woe, eh!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
fuckr
asshole fuckpage MALFORMED SECURITY`d my blog post. SCREW YOU, MAN!
taxes, dishes, paper extraction and filing, marty tidy living room, i clean litter box and do laundry.
yeap.
taxes, dishes, paper extraction and filing, marty tidy living room, i clean litter box and do laundry.
yeap.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
of course by the time my netbook loads up and chrome opens and i get to my homepage, i've forgotten what i wanted to blog about.
ah.
"the days are becoming indistinguishable from one another."
"the days are becoming indistinguishable from one another."
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
ok, here
2 or so nights ago, I cleaned the upper bathroom thoroughly.
Been plugging away at laundry, incl the new cloth diapers.
Marty organized Leila's room.
Joe helped me put together the fabric frame yesterday.
Oh, and marty rearranged some living room / dining room pieces.
This included my cleaning of the fish tank.
I wiped down the top of the washing machine.
Been plugging away at laundry, incl the new cloth diapers.
Marty organized Leila's room.
Joe helped me put together the fabric frame yesterday.
Oh, and marty rearranged some living room / dining room pieces.
This included my cleaning of the fish tank.
I wiped down the top of the washing machine.
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Tuesday, August 10, 2010
some Firsts for my daughter
Climbing down the stairs without falling
imitating melodies she hears
splashing her hands around in the toilet
imitating melodies she hears
splashing her hands around in the toilet
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Thursday, August 5, 2010
mes motivation sont zero
but still
mais ...
mais ...
- dishwasher unloaded; reloaded; running
- kitchen mostly swept
- living room tidied (thx, kids!)
- fresh coffee made (heh)
- face washed (when will i get a chance to shower?? soooo greasy from last night's exercise)
R is headed over in less than an hour for a playdate with D. Hope to update later, with additions to ma liste.
air quality advisory? ohh.
yeah, i made a supersmrt decision last night to run up the stairypathway already.
and, of course, because i make this decision without thinking...
i got to gaglardi, ran a bit up the hill, then felt GROSS DUDE. i realized i had been running on a bellyful of hot dogs & cinnamon bun. ugh. i felt so sicky sick gross, but didn't want to mope back home just yet. so i thumped down the hill a bit, then walked. all the way to the start of forest grove drive.
i enjoyed listening to my music, though!
anyway. got confirmation this morning that indeed, the sun has been pink/orange this week, due to the smoke drifting out from the 400+ forest fires in the province. hence the air quality advisory. now i get a new/better excuse to spend time indoors and exercise at the gym instead of outside :p
on another note, i saw scott pilgrim volume 1 at the mall bookstore yesterday for $14.sth.
and, of course, because i make this decision without thinking...
i got to gaglardi, ran a bit up the hill, then felt GROSS DUDE. i realized i had been running on a bellyful of hot dogs & cinnamon bun. ugh. i felt so sicky sick gross, but didn't want to mope back home just yet. so i thumped down the hill a bit, then walked. all the way to the start of forest grove drive.
i enjoyed listening to my music, though!
anyway. got confirmation this morning that indeed, the sun has been pink/orange this week, due to the smoke drifting out from the 400+ forest fires in the province. hence the air quality advisory. now i get a new/better excuse to spend time indoors and exercise at the gym instead of outside :p
on another note, i saw scott pilgrim volume 1 at the mall bookstore yesterday for $14.sth.
Friday, July 30, 2010
just to jot down what i done did get done today.
i'm doing fine after last night, thank you for your concern.
that 4-item to do list from yesterday [take out recycling; water indoor plants; run robot in living room; fold laundry in bedroom & put away]? DONE, BABY! and then some:
that 4-item to do list from yesterday [take out recycling; water indoor plants; run robot in living room; fold laundry in bedroom & put away]? DONE, BABY! and then some:
- in a flash of what can only be called genius, i decided to try running the robot out on the deck! see, we inherited from
our neighboursbeside the garbage bin some outdoor patio rugs. the robot did great, despite the sketchy terrain! it was fun to watch it raise itself up to get over something, teee heeee. robot love LESS THAN THREE - i did all the kitchen counters, but that's asposta be a daily thing, so maybe it doesn't belong in this list.
- put the camping detritis on the top of the lower steps (HINT marty!)
- re-washed some stinky (dangit) laundry, on hot/cold cycle, which made everything pink from that maroon tablecloth (WOOPS)
- i took all the garbage and recycling out of our car!!!!! wowwee!
cleaned the litter box!doh, daily thing again.- finally washed out that flower pot that had been sitting on my kitchen counter for as long as i can remember (read: about 24 minutes)
- yeah, some other stuff too probably, but... what was i saying about my memory??
Thursday, July 29, 2010
aw crap
too high
aaaaaaaaaaaagh
one toke sed marty
EQUALS TWO TOKES HEATHER
i sed to myself
i'm going to update my blog.
it's really hard. my focus is liek completely BROKEN EXPLODED!
EVERYTHING IS WEIRD RIGHT NOW
marty: arr
me: what is that about
marty: what can i say, i'm a pirot PIRte PIRATE
me: arr
^^^ HILARIOUS and so hard to
omg marty was in chair petting sierra with 2 hands
but i thouqght he was petting his foot like that ahahahaha (out of the corner of my eye.)
AAAAAAAAAH the only way i can write a full sentence is if i close my eyes! cut off other distraction!
SEE, THE SMOKE OF THE SECOND TUMB ahaha what the hell is TUMB
toke
got breathed in (LOL At that SAYING[UFCKING COSP LOCK[0) through my nose.
and of course m sayz yay sazlol
it's more quick n effective if you toke with your nose\well he never said the toke with your nose part alaahahahaha
but yiea fuck this is pointless but hilarious
scary but i can't even focus on the scary feeling before i get distracted!
BEDS n PBATHS n THINGS, why ido i feel drawn to that place right now? LETS GO THERE AND EIXPREINEENCE WHITE AND BLUE WEDDING
BEDDING lol
lol
LOL
How saeth my soul, my saviour are, to thee
how great thou art
how great thou art
HOLD ON TITE, IS GOWNA BE A BUMPY RrollercoasterIDE!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like this is a safety
like when i want to stop writing this i'm a fraid to do so because it's like
documenting my deqscent into madrness
it's a LINE
to the otside WORLD
my saviour, art, to thee
i sed, i sed to marty: 'my eustacian tubes feel funny'
bbl?
aaaaaaaaaaaagh
one toke sed marty
EQUALS TWO TOKES HEATHER
i sed to myself
i'm going to update my blog.
it's really hard. my focus is liek completely BROKEN EXPLODED!
EVERYTHING IS WEIRD RIGHT NOW
marty: arr
me: what is that about
marty: what can i say, i'm a pirot PIRte PIRATE
me: arr
^^^ HILARIOUS and so hard to
omg marty was in chair petting sierra with 2 hands
but i thouqght he was petting his foot like that ahahahaha (out of the corner of my eye.)
AAAAAAAAAH the only way i can write a full sentence is if i close my eyes! cut off other distraction!
SEE, THE SMOKE OF THE SECOND TUMB ahaha what the hell is TUMB
toke
got breathed in (LOL At that SAYING[UFCKING COSP LOCK[0) through my nose.
and of course m sayz yay sazlol
it's more quick n effective if you toke with your nose\well he never said the toke with your nose part alaahahahaha
but yiea fuck this is pointless but hilarious
scary but i can't even focus on the scary feeling before i get distracted!
BEDS n PBATHS n THINGS, why ido i feel drawn to that place right now? LETS GO THERE AND EIXPREINEENCE WHITE AND BLUE WEDDING
BEDDING lol
lol
LOL
How saeth my soul, my saviour are, to thee
how great thou art
how great thou art
HOLD ON TITE, IS GOWNA BE A BUMPY RrollercoasterIDE!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like this is a safety
like when i want to stop writing this i'm a fraid to do so because it's like
documenting my deqscent into madrness
it's a LINE
to the otside WORLD
my saviour, art, to thee
i sed, i sed to marty: 'my eustacian tubes feel funny'
bbl?
aw
My to-do list was only 4 items long today, yet not one of the tasks got completed.
Despite two cups of drip coffee and two espressos!!
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Saturday, July 24, 2010
it seems
During the event itself, i am fine. But afterwards, the tendency is to pick spots to tangentialize, to create bad shit where NONE ACTUALLY EXISTS.
Want to turn my mind off. Pop 2.
O no she di'ant
o yes, i just did. Better than destroying this thread with my crazy.
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help i'm alive
I just got startled by how sick a thought made me; the thought of disconnect.
Or is it divergence?
not to say there was any negativity.
And remember, heather: today is just today! the future is OPEN!
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Thursday, July 22, 2010
wull hullo there blog
updating from my android device, here in bed. u
think my lesson for the day is: it's okay to feel ready for bed around 9pm. even if i haven't completed all (or more than one) of my self-appointed tasks for the day.
capice? catfish.
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Tuesday, July 13, 2010
lets see if dis works again wo photo.
nope, nothing interesting to see here!
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Thursday, July 8, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
a couple a bad days
let us hope they're over. that is,
By The Grace of God, May I Rise Above My Gut Instinct To Be A Bitch And Instead Show Compassion, Patience, Kindness, And Love (Et Cetera).
Sorry short post, gotta run for now.
By The Grace of God, May I Rise Above My Gut Instinct To Be A Bitch And Instead Show Compassion, Patience, Kindness, And Love (Et Cetera).
Sorry short post, gotta run for now.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
my late-nite chai tea
walking over to the couch, from the kitchen, and my extra-full teacup just might lose a little of that delicious, redeemy liquid over the lip, so i stick my (cold, leftover) pancake underneath like an absorbent coaster 8)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Psalm 15 (NIV)
A psalm of David.
1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?
2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart
3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,
4 who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,
5 who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things
will never be shaken.
1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?
2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart
3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,
4 who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,
5 who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things
will never be shaken.
mo money, mo problems
that is to say, NO ONE HAS ANY MONEY RIGHT NOW! you know it's sad but true.
me & marty: PO
joe: PO
dad: PO
and we're all just revolving around one another, moths flying out of our wallets.
it's depressing. it's temporary, but i acknowledge the crubby feeling.
me & marty: PO
joe: PO
dad: PO
and we're all just revolving around one another, moths flying out of our wallets.
it's depressing. it's temporary, but i acknowledge the crubby feeling.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
hopefully, this helps.
adding:
- it is raining today.
- i feel like going to the mall. or ikea. someplace consumerish. which is hilarious, as we have no money right now.
- i just don't want to go home feeling like i've got my tail between my legs.
- LIFT UP, SPIRIT! raise your eyes and focus away from yourself! cease to curl inward!
@vibrato
CHEERS for wireless at the cafe
JEERS for chairs that expose my legs-above-socks-when-i-sit.
Just finished June's book club. Just wanted to sit for a few before I head home. Hesitant because I promised Marty he'd have the rest of the day/night to do his work and whatever else. And even though he has the next 2 days off as well, I feel he's going to focus on his stuff, and I - let's be honest here - won't get enough time off. Time out. By myself. WITH myself. Uninterrupted. Reading time. THINKING time. Praying time.
You know.
You know.
Bah. And feeling this un-enthusiasm for going home is making me feel cruddy in a larger manner. Okay, Heather, take what you learned in church this morning and apply it to your situation.
Take my anxiety, my complaints, my stress, my ... unwillingness, Lord.
Give it away to Him, Heather.
Let it go.
... not sure if it's working.
--
Today, we focused on joy, on celebration. And during the service, I was smiling! During the music, I was singing! I was raising my hands to Jesus! I was feelin' it!
I want to keep feeling it!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
my blog post titles are all like 'wow' and 'dude'
anyway
this nut (um, Christianity) is harder to crack than i thought. but is suppose hours and days and weeks and months (years, too?) melting away while reading, meditating, and talking about it does not constitute wasted time.
journey heather, journey. not about the destination (or is it?? THERE'S A LOT OF INFO OUT THERE)
this nut (um, Christianity) is harder to crack than i thought. but is suppose hours and days and weeks and months (years, too?) melting away while reading, meditating, and talking about it does not constitute wasted time.
journey heather, journey. not about the destination (or is it?? THERE'S A LOT OF INFO OUT THERE)
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Happy birthday, Drew!
wow.
he's 4 years old today. 4 YEARS OLD! i can't believe it, yet it feels right, it makes sense. he's so big. so ... sophisticated! so FUNNY and loving and full of joie de vivre. ahhh.
4 years ago our lives changed =) the doctor asked marty, 'so daddy, is it a girl or a boy?' and this little stream of urine shot straight up - 'guess it's a boy!'
so much love for my bear. such a crazy busy last few days, so not much time to contemplate his birthday yet. we just gave him Carolyn's quilt - it's amazing and he's so super smiley! we're saving the other part of the gift for his birthday party on saturday.
Drewbears. I love you. Thank you for being my son, my light, my friend. Smooches.
he's 4 years old today. 4 YEARS OLD! i can't believe it, yet it feels right, it makes sense. he's so big. so ... sophisticated! so FUNNY and loving and full of joie de vivre. ahhh.
4 years ago our lives changed =) the doctor asked marty, 'so daddy, is it a girl or a boy?' and this little stream of urine shot straight up - 'guess it's a boy!'
so much love for my bear. such a crazy busy last few days, so not much time to contemplate his birthday yet. we just gave him Carolyn's quilt - it's amazing and he's so super smiley! we're saving the other part of the gift for his birthday party on saturday.
Drewbears. I love you. Thank you for being my son, my light, my friend. Smooches.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Out Enjoying Myself
yuss, here i sit at starbucks, with a sammich and STARBUCKS DOUBLESHOT ON ICE thanks to b to the e-v! 8)
i'm at the location by costco on north side port coquitlam, by the pitt river bridge. going back to some beginner's study mats (yep i just said 'mats', check my awesomenizz) to sort of absorb more of the bible. it feels good, and right, and good.
puh puh puh poker face puh puh poker face
i guess that's all i wanted to say at this time. oh, and to note: i love that starbuckses provide Safe, Comfortable places for me where i can relax and be myself. i'm just sayin' - sure can't do that just anywhere. :]
ps - Pitt River floodplain marshes, grasses, and alders. i smile at these things.
i'm at the location by costco on north side port coquitlam, by the pitt river bridge. going back to some beginner's study mats (yep i just said 'mats', check my awesomenizz) to sort of absorb more of the bible. it feels good, and right, and good.
puh puh puh poker face puh puh poker face
i guess that's all i wanted to say at this time. oh, and to note: i love that starbuckses provide Safe, Comfortable places for me where i can relax and be myself. i'm just sayin' - sure can't do that just anywhere. :]
ps - Pitt River floodplain marshes, grasses, and alders. i smile at these things.
feeling bad
sorry for myself, really
felt a comment on my poor memory and/or poor planning skills, as i still haven't invited our neighbours over for a meal. it's not that i don't want to, and believe me, i feel awful that i still haven't done it. but our house is way too messy for company, and it's even worse this morning because i haven't done enough and the morning mess as i slept some more.
and then there's the mission groups, and how, where did i quote this? how what comes out of my mouth sounds nothing like what is in my mind or heart. it sounds awkward and stunted and ineloquent. when we had a little discussion time in church this morning and when i meant to talk about how i find little moments throughout the day to reflect and worship, it came out sounding like i was complaining about my kids interrupting "me time". it'd be one thing if i was just being so around marty, but this was with two other members of our congregation. and no matter how much i babbled, i feel like i wasn't able to save any face.
anyway about the mission groups, i asked, and from what i gathered there's a pre-group thing or something, and i'll get a document, but 'we're baptists' and no further information about that even though i want some (why can't i just ask? see how disappointed i am in myself!) and that led into a number of mentions about our meal together.
so here i am, feeling: awkward, sorry for myself, disappointed in myself, left behind, and all of this is upon my usual reflective mood after church (which, on its own, i'm not unsatisfied with).
note: photo circle was cancelled so i think it's a good opportunity for me to escape escape escape with that starbucks card bev gave me.
felt a comment on my poor memory and/or poor planning skills, as i still haven't invited our neighbours over for a meal. it's not that i don't want to, and believe me, i feel awful that i still haven't done it. but our house is way too messy for company, and it's even worse this morning because i haven't done enough and the morning mess as i slept some more.
and then there's the mission groups, and how, where did i quote this? how what comes out of my mouth sounds nothing like what is in my mind or heart. it sounds awkward and stunted and ineloquent. when we had a little discussion time in church this morning and when i meant to talk about how i find little moments throughout the day to reflect and worship, it came out sounding like i was complaining about my kids interrupting "me time". it'd be one thing if i was just being so around marty, but this was with two other members of our congregation. and no matter how much i babbled, i feel like i wasn't able to save any face.
anyway about the mission groups, i asked, and from what i gathered there's a pre-group thing or something, and i'll get a document, but 'we're baptists' and no further information about that even though i want some (why can't i just ask? see how disappointed i am in myself!) and that led into a number of mentions about our meal together.
so here i am, feeling: awkward, sorry for myself, disappointed in myself, left behind, and all of this is upon my usual reflective mood after church (which, on its own, i'm not unsatisfied with).
note: photo circle was cancelled so i think it's a good opportunity for me to escape escape escape with that starbucks card bev gave me.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
just because i can
hee
now i'm updating my blog from my bed, where L snoozes beside me =) oop, shouldn't type too loud, eh? heeh
joe is over, doing laundry. it's been a wonnnnnnnderfullllllllll day! may or may not use my STARBUCKS CARD (thx Bev!!!!!!) tonight, or tomorrow!
the cottonwood spores are such that this is must be what it's like to live underwater.
now i'm updating my blog from my bed, where L snoozes beside me =) oop, shouldn't type too loud, eh? heeh
joe is over, doing laundry. it's been a wonnnnnnnderfullllllllll day! may or may not use my STARBUCKS CARD (thx Bev!!!!!!) tonight, or tomorrow!
the cottonwood spores are such that this is must be what it's like to live underwater.
updating my blog from outside =)
thanks to marty for replacing our wireless router a few weeks ago! =)
what abeautiful day (as you can see, hehe). D and Leia are playing 'lotion' again, and some kids are out playing hockey and riding in a wagon. Marty is inside, playing guitar, and Leila is asnooze. Poor thing, Marty and I were making fun of her being so forlorn in her chair even though she was surrounded by pancakes, and when Marty picked her up, she fell right asleep in his arms, haha. She woke up at 6 this morning, and I got up with her about 7.
SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was a loooooooooooooooooong week. But is over now. AHHHH. Today would call for a barbecue if we had one!
This morning, I felt a little un-directed because the weekly study guides are only for weekdays. So, after Leila refused to let me finish The Measure of a Man, I was leafing through that free bible that got plunked down on my doorstep shortly after moving here. But Leila was trying to rip it out of my hands after a few minutes :[
That's when we went upstairs and got Marty up.
And now, I'm just trying to focus on the moment, the here and the now: gentle breeze, bright sun, kids playing. And a cup of coffee, of course ;)
Friday, June 11, 2010
waves of mercy; waves of grace
everywhere i look, i see your face!
boy howdy has it been some whiles since i have had THIS problem: i slept most of the day away! tonight is marty's last night shift ("forever!") and after I got him up at 11:20am, i laid in bed "just until coffee's ready". next thing i know, he's bringing in a sleeping Leila and next thing i know after that, it's 1:30pm!!!
brb - gotta put an insolent boy to bed
2 minutes later: i'm back, he's eating a bedtime snack :p
anyway i was shocked i had slept so long. i felt very guilty but marty said "i could have woken you up". so off he went, getting ready for work. i had promised him last night that i would make him a kickass meal to take with him to work, and i TOTES didn't do that! augh augh augh, said i.
well, to salvage the day (grab it by the horns, per se), i got going on today's study sheet (so much for fasting from TV, sigh). we listened to some worship songs on youtube, and then we went outside to play. Leila surprised me, being happy to stay put on her big truck while I got the laundry started (am ashamed i had to let it get to a point where M had to express how angry it makes him when it sits in the washer, getting smellier by the day), and cleaned up the entranceway (tidy; sweep; mop)!
neighbours were out playing soccer (first day of the World Cup today!), and Drew was content to zip around them on his little bike and
[k rly bedtime for bears now brb]
8:30pm, and i'm back. boy, when you first walk downstairs from putting the kids to bed, and you survey the mess in the entire house... overwhelming. i told myself i'd finish my cup of coffee before i dive in to tidying the living room, cleaning up after dinner, and doing moremoremore laundry. on with the story for now.
i pushed Leila around on her truck, and chatted a bit with neighbours. Drew made his first 'lotion' of the season, with Leia (Laya? Lea? Leighagh?), and I refereed them ("sharing!"). Then i came inside to make dinner, while trying to keep L happy in her chair. I made a roasted vegetable pasta salad, and it was very good. Drew just ate the noodles (and L too, now that I think of it - evidence: floor), which is a victory in itself. we wound down with a phone call from daddy, some breastfeeding (L), and some Toopy & Binoo (D).
So L was down at 7:30. She had had just the one nap, though it was a lengthy one. I'm obviously hoping both stay asleep until morn'. i plan not to squander this kidfree time (though, as someone once said, 'if you're doing something you enjoy, it isn't wasted time')!
i shall close with: my inconsistency with capitals at the beginning of sentences and with 'I/i' is bothering me. Also (because i recently read about it in Eats, Shoots & Leaves), i really need to standardize my use of apostrophes and quotation marks!!
boy howdy has it been some whiles since i have had THIS problem: i slept most of the day away! tonight is marty's last night shift ("forever!") and after I got him up at 11:20am, i laid in bed "just until coffee's ready". next thing i know, he's bringing in a sleeping Leila and next thing i know after that, it's 1:30pm!!!
brb - gotta put an insolent boy to bed
2 minutes later: i'm back, he's eating a bedtime snack :p
anyway i was shocked i had slept so long. i felt very guilty but marty said "i could have woken you up". so off he went, getting ready for work. i had promised him last night that i would make him a kickass meal to take with him to work, and i TOTES didn't do that! augh augh augh, said i.
well, to salvage the day (grab it by the horns, per se), i got going on today's study sheet (so much for fasting from TV, sigh). we listened to some worship songs on youtube, and then we went outside to play. Leila surprised me, being happy to stay put on her big truck while I got the laundry started (am ashamed i had to let it get to a point where M had to express how angry it makes him when it sits in the washer, getting smellier by the day), and cleaned up the entranceway (tidy; sweep; mop)!
neighbours were out playing soccer (first day of the World Cup today!), and Drew was content to zip around them on his little bike and
[k rly bedtime for bears now brb]
8:30pm, and i'm back. boy, when you first walk downstairs from putting the kids to bed, and you survey the mess in the entire house... overwhelming. i told myself i'd finish my cup of coffee before i dive in to tidying the living room, cleaning up after dinner, and doing moremoremore laundry. on with the story for now.
i pushed Leila around on her truck, and chatted a bit with neighbours. Drew made his first 'lotion' of the season, with Leia (Laya? Lea? Leighagh?), and I refereed them ("sharing!"). Then i came inside to make dinner, while trying to keep L happy in her chair. I made a roasted vegetable pasta salad, and it was very good. Drew just ate the noodles (and L too, now that I think of it - evidence: floor), which is a victory in itself. we wound down with a phone call from daddy, some breastfeeding (L), and some Toopy & Binoo (D).
So L was down at 7:30. She had had just the one nap, though it was a lengthy one. I'm obviously hoping both stay asleep until morn'. i plan not to squander this kidfree time (though, as someone once said, 'if you're doing something you enjoy, it isn't wasted time')!
i shall close with: my inconsistency with capitals at the beginning of sentences and with 'I/i' is bothering me. Also (because i recently read about it in Eats, Shoots & Leaves), i really need to standardize my use of apostrophes and quotation marks!!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
snippets, from here and there
just made myself a cup of tea to sit down with, now that the kids are in bed. feeling pretty chuffed (is that the right usage of the term?!) that neither are asleep in my bed (yet).
yesterday, while out, [_________i seem to have forgotten this_____________].
:\
yesterday, while out, [_________i seem to have forgotten this_____________].
:\
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
A New Photo Blog Post
Camp Hope, 2010
It rained, but goodness, it's beautiful.
Camp Hope is about 15minutes from the town of Hope itself.
'Garden Chapel' =)
Some of the cabins (we stayed in the lodge, though)
Utility trailers with cloud-cloaked mountains behind
SPY KITS!
From the inside, out.
Her "cheese" face :D
:)
TerdAy
Not so sure about going to the gym, as Leila is Miss SUPER Attached To Mommy lately. I guess trying couldn't hurt ay. Considering I'm not even going for a class, just the superllyptical.
My right foot hurts.
3:43pm and I've spot-cleaned about half the living room carpet. Gonna steam-clean it this week. Also did some wiping of tables n stuff. Not all of them done though. Listening to BEP. Think I'm ok with taking ativan for the boredom ha.
U really think Mohammed got a problem with Jehovah?
SRSLY RIGHT??? Gotta ask of this.
Forgot maybe yesterday to mention I changed our sheets n pillow cases. I also set up a play date for Drew & Rowan (for tomorrow - AT HER HOUSE hahahahahahah).
MARTY (finally FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!) GOT A PROMOTION! Heeee he says it's about 4k more a year, and now he doesn't want to go for the course-then-van-guy job. We thought we could maybe live on that salary while I go to school or sth, but now he says he yeah, doesn't want to do that job. This is more in the direction he wanted. Which is great, srsly, cool, I'm open to change for our future course, ... I AM. This morn he was like u&courses still hezr and I was like rly I'm rly more concerned about our singular income so ...
All to say, we shall tock of this down the soon road. Can't believe Leila's letting me type all this. MARTY GOT THE USB CORD FOR ME YEEEEEEEEE
Welp gotta go. Tock laters.
My right foot hurts.
3:43pm and I've spot-cleaned about half the living room carpet. Gonna steam-clean it this week. Also did some wiping of tables n stuff. Not all of them done though. Listening to BEP. Think I'm ok with taking ativan for the boredom ha.
U really think Mohammed got a problem with Jehovah?
SRSLY RIGHT??? Gotta ask of this.
Forgot maybe yesterday to mention I changed our sheets n pillow cases. I also set up a play date for Drew & Rowan (for tomorrow - AT HER HOUSE hahahahahahah).
MARTY (finally FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!) GOT A PROMOTION! Heeee he says it's about 4k more a year, and now he doesn't want to go for the course-then-van-guy job. We thought we could maybe live on that salary while I go to school or sth, but now he says he yeah, doesn't want to do that job. This is more in the direction he wanted. Which is great, srsly, cool, I'm open to change for our future course, ... I AM. This morn he was like u&courses still hezr and I was like rly I'm rly more concerned about our singular income so ...
All to say, we shall tock of this down the soon road. Can't believe Leila's letting me type all this. MARTY GOT THE USB CORD FOR ME YEEEEEEEEE
Welp gotta go. Tock laters.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Alright
Documenting the first of June.
- Ran a job search; maybe a semi-sketchy environmental consultant position off CL worth looking into.
- Extracted some comforting quotes from my SIMPLICITY planner and wrote them out on post-it notes; stuck onto board.
- Unloaded dishwasher; reloaded it
- Washed plastic, pots, & pans by hand
- Made Marty a pizza for dinner (and burned my right bicep in the process) to take along with him to work.
- Also made him a sandwich.
- This was after making him and Drew mushroom soup & grilled cheese for lunch.
- Did some weights & abs at home; also lunges and some running-in-place
- Took the kids out to Deer Lake Park. Was given a brochure about the paddle boat rentals. Walked around the lake (3.71km!) with Leila in the green stroller, and Drew walking maddeningly slow behind me. Took some photos with the Nikon (WHERE IS THAT FREAKING USB CABLE???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
- Ate veggies and fruit and cottage cheese with the kids at home. Drew went down early as punishment for not eating all of his (there was lengthy discussion beforehand).
- Folded & put away the laundry on our bed and floor, in our bedroom.
- Took the upstairs bathroom recycling down into the kitchen.
- Watered the deck plants and the petunias on my balcony.
- Watched a fuckload of United States of Tara last night and all day today (and tonight) :]
Took allllll my vits today. And some metamucil (FIBRE!!) in the evening.
Right now, it is raining outside and I just love, love, love the sound. And the whole idea of it. Peaceful right now... Leila's in her crib, I've documented the day, wearing comfortable clothing, got some amount of shiz done, doo doo... I would like to have story & picture blog posts up soon.
Monday, May 31, 2010
yam disappointed
in my lack of blogging o'er the past few months. the only lengthy-ish thing i've written lately has been cover letters. AND GUESS WHAT NO JOBS OFFERED YET SIGH
haha ohh.
anyway, not that this will be a meaty entry, as m is upstairs w kids and needs to get ready for work soon. i just wanted to pop in to say a) the above and
b) applied for a new west horticultural labourer job just now. CUZWORKING IS LIEK, AWERSOME
haha ohh.
anyway, not that this will be a meaty entry, as m is upstairs w kids and needs to get ready for work soon. i just wanted to pop in to say a) the above and
b) applied for a new west horticultural labourer job just now. CUZWORKING IS LIEK, AWERSOME
Monday, May 10, 2010
ALRIGHT, HERE'S SOME CLARITY
QUIZNOS HAS MORE MEAT THAN SUBWAY
well, guess i know where i won't be going for my next take-out sub!
AYCH ARR AYCH
Today was salvageable! Despite the errah, you know anyway. I was determined to take care of all our BUSINESS PHONE CALLS, and did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That took up a meaty portion of the day. Including some appointments! Including one TODAY at toyota to discuss our shiz|! marty didn't wanna go but we still went, despite our grouchiness at each other. we overcame it.
WE OVERCAME IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know, right?
evening: i watched some really negative tv. left with bad lingering feeling, trying to figure out if it's real or induced by the crappy shows i was watching.
well, guess i know where i won't be going for my next take-out sub!
AYCH ARR AYCH
Today was salvageable! Despite the errah, you know anyway. I was determined to take care of all our BUSINESS PHONE CALLS, and did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That took up a meaty portion of the day. Including some appointments! Including one TODAY at toyota to discuss our shiz|! marty didn't wanna go but we still went, despite our grouchiness at each other. we overcame it.
WE OVERCAME IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know, right?
evening: i watched some really negative tv. left with bad lingering feeling, trying to figure out if it's real or induced by the crappy shows i was watching.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
oh, this here? why, it's a... IT'S A...... BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shit dude i really do love my netbook
red AND sparkly?? shit don't get better den dat!
a moments of peace ~ Drew at Rowan's, Leila napping. Ohhhh so nice, sitting here in the sun. So needed. I've been most tired lately, sleeping away entirely too much of the day. Trying, actively, to centre myself and find peace again. Not easy. Surprisingly hard, in fact.
Another note: looking forward to my next job interview, whenever that is. It means I'll get a haircut. And I finally feel ready to do something to my hair other than trim. Exactly what that may be... I'm not sure. PINK. I'm re-going pink!! Wishful thinking... I am thinking of highlights, though. I mean, I'm 29 now, maybe I'm actually mature enough to maintain them!
red AND sparkly?? shit don't get better den dat!
a moments of peace ~ Drew at Rowan's, Leila napping. Ohhhh so nice, sitting here in the sun. So needed. I've been most tired lately, sleeping away entirely too much of the day. Trying, actively, to centre myself and find peace again. Not easy. Surprisingly hard, in fact.
Another note: looking forward to my next job interview, whenever that is. It means I'll get a haircut. And I finally feel ready to do something to my hair other than trim. Exactly what that may be... I'm not sure. PINK. I'm re-going pink!! Wishful thinking... I am thinking of highlights, though. I mean, I'm 29 now, maybe I'm actually mature enough to maintain them!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I wish I was at church right now.
Family, yes. But what about the spiritual wellness of the individual?
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
i will say this:
i vastly underestimate the positive power music can have on my daily life. NOTE TO HEATHER: LISTEN TO MORE MUSIC!
Like, right now: just got L down for the night, and D, and I sit down in my jammies with my laptop (still <3 it!!) and turn on a long-meant-to-download song with my headphones and BOOM! My heart soars, I imagine dancing, singing, WOW. Such a difference compared to sitting here, snippets of annoying kids' show themes or repeating phrases or words to my OCD degree running through my head.
I will ALSO say: this seroquel works, STILL works, very effectively, four or so weeks after i started taking it (per Dr. M's direction) before bed. 2 hours beforehand, she had recommended, though that time varies with person. Turns out with me, it's about 45 minutes before BEWM I'm in spacey sleepy zombie mode. But fight it, because SRSLY I fucken work HARD all day and fucken DESERVE this simple me-time!
HECK YES MAMAS, TAKE CARE OF YOSELVES TOO!
Like, right now: just got L down for the night, and D, and I sit down in my jammies with my laptop (still <3 it!!) and turn on a long-meant-to-download song with my headphones and BOOM! My heart soars, I imagine dancing, singing, WOW. Such a difference compared to sitting here, snippets of annoying kids' show themes or repeating phrases or words to my OCD degree running through my head.
I will ALSO say: this seroquel works, STILL works, very effectively, four or so weeks after i started taking it (per Dr. M's direction) before bed. 2 hours beforehand, she had recommended, though that time varies with person. Turns out with me, it's about 45 minutes before BEWM I'm in spacey sleepy zombie mode. But fight it, because SRSLY I fucken work HARD all day and fucken DESERVE this simple me-time!
HECK YES MAMAS, TAKE CARE OF YOSELVES TOO!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Well, honestly, what's the point of a blog if I only report the GOOD, and leave out everything else? A FARCE THAT'S WHAT
So, in that spirit, here's some boring old honesty (but I'll write it in a here's-what-happened-to-me-today way, rather than stating my emotions outright):
This morning, I weaseled my way into sleeping in a bit, during which I had a horrible dream. Marty got me up, I crammed breakfast into my face, and we took Drew to his field trip - gymnastics. I drank my coffee on the way. We didn't stay to watch (Marty: "We paid a lot of money for this free time!"), instead, we drove to nearby IKEA where we woke Leila up by putting her carseat on a shopping cart. We stopped at the 'bistro' (? or is that the upstairs restaurant) where Marty ate 2 hotdogs and a cinnamon bun (happy breakfast!) and I got a coffee, which we shared. We checked out the AS IS section, and finding nothing really there for our (poor-ass) purposes, went to look at textiles. I think the long curtains we want for the living room are $49 (but why does $29 stick in my head?). Then we quickly shot upstairs to check out computer desks. I found a soon-to-be-discontinued basic one for $69, and Marty liked it. We didn't buy anything today, but it was good to get that scouting out of the way before our actual trip on Friday. We were a bit late picking up Drew. On the way home, Marty and I were ha-ha-annoying each other. At home, Marty laid on the floor, with his right shoulder in a lot of pain. I massaged it, gave him some robaxacet, and we sat on the floor as a family. I started to feel really down really quickly. Marty got ready for work with Drew (playing the MOMMY IS A DRAGON game). When he left, I cried a little bit.
It's raining now, after many days of sunshine. Marty said he wanted to keep in touch with me today, and he said many nice things before heading out the door. Shortly after, he texted me I LOVE YOU :) Just seems like it's going to be a looooooooong day today.
I fed Leila, ate some healthier-than-usual lunch myself. Got Drew some food. Then I bounced Leila down, as her morning nap had been very short. She took a long time to calm down and fall asleep. She woke up when I put her down in our bed. I find I am getting less and less patient with that routine. I look forward to her being in her crib but I know it's going to be a painful process to get her in there (or down anywhere at all without nursing her down). I still don't like thinking about how it was with Drew, way back in 2007!
So here I am, Marty just began work 41 minutes ago (sigh) and I told myself I am going to:
- finish cleaning the bathrooms (partway done upstairs one)
- go to step 1/2 at 5:30 (even promised Drew we'd do this)
- mail my EI medical form (and Ange's cheque)
But all I wanna do is play cards, I mean, sleep. Hide. Find something quickly to make me feel better instantly. Unfortunately, the only thing that comes to mind is chocolate - and as of last night, I'm fresh out.
So there it is. Boring, way-too-detailed honesty. Going to rest on the couch now, while L naps and D watches another cartoon. Blaaaaaaaaaah.
This morning, I weaseled my way into sleeping in a bit, during which I had a horrible dream. Marty got me up, I crammed breakfast into my face, and we took Drew to his field trip - gymnastics. I drank my coffee on the way. We didn't stay to watch (Marty: "We paid a lot of money for this free time!"), instead, we drove to nearby IKEA where we woke Leila up by putting her carseat on a shopping cart. We stopped at the 'bistro' (? or is that the upstairs restaurant) where Marty ate 2 hotdogs and a cinnamon bun (happy breakfast!) and I got a coffee, which we shared. We checked out the AS IS section, and finding nothing really there for our (poor-ass) purposes, went to look at textiles. I think the long curtains we want for the living room are $49 (but why does $29 stick in my head?). Then we quickly shot upstairs to check out computer desks. I found a soon-to-be-discontinued basic one for $69, and Marty liked it. We didn't buy anything today, but it was good to get that scouting out of the way before our actual trip on Friday. We were a bit late picking up Drew. On the way home, Marty and I were ha-ha-annoying each other. At home, Marty laid on the floor, with his right shoulder in a lot of pain. I massaged it, gave him some robaxacet, and we sat on the floor as a family. I started to feel really down really quickly. Marty got ready for work with Drew (playing the MOMMY IS A DRAGON game). When he left, I cried a little bit.
It's raining now, after many days of sunshine. Marty said he wanted to keep in touch with me today, and he said many nice things before heading out the door. Shortly after, he texted me I LOVE YOU :) Just seems like it's going to be a looooooooong day today.
I fed Leila, ate some healthier-than-usual lunch myself. Got Drew some food. Then I bounced Leila down, as her morning nap had been very short. She took a long time to calm down and fall asleep. She woke up when I put her down in our bed. I find I am getting less and less patient with that routine. I look forward to her being in her crib but I know it's going to be a painful process to get her in there (or down anywhere at all without nursing her down). I still don't like thinking about how it was with Drew, way back in 2007!
So here I am, Marty just began work 41 minutes ago (sigh) and I told myself I am going to:
- finish cleaning the bathrooms (partway done upstairs one)
- go to step 1/2 at 5:30 (even promised Drew we'd do this)
- mail my EI medical form (and Ange's cheque)
But all I wanna do is play cards, I mean, sleep. Hide. Find something quickly to make me feel better instantly. Unfortunately, the only thing that comes to mind is chocolate - and as of last night, I'm fresh out.
So there it is. Boring, way-too-detailed honesty. Going to rest on the couch now, while L naps and D watches another cartoon. Blaaaaaaaaaah.
Monday, February 22, 2010
what about the good?
Well, let's see!
New medication regime is working!
X-rays of L ankle and lower back came out normal (but are still being sent to a rheumatologist)
I love my house, our new home. It's so ours, sometimes I just revel in it.
Dr C signed my form today, so we may not be fucked just quite yet =)
I! went! to! the! gym! tonight!!! With both kids in the childcare! AND I DIDN'T GET INTERRUPTED!!! Group Power, and even though I was late, I'm sooper happy that I went. Mmm, feeling good about oneself!
I love my kids. They're so adorable and smart, and are interacting more and more each day!
M'LIFE IS GOOD!
New medication regime is working!
X-rays of L ankle and lower back came out normal (but are still being sent to a rheumatologist)
I love my house, our new home. It's so ours, sometimes I just revel in it.
Dr C signed my form today, so we may not be fucked just quite yet =)
I! went! to! the! gym! tonight!!! With both kids in the childcare! AND I DIDN'T GET INTERRUPTED!!! Group Power, and even though I was late, I'm sooper happy that I went. Mmm, feeling good about oneself!
I love my kids. They're so adorable and smart, and are interacting more and more each day!
M'LIFE IS GOOD!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
sue far
10:57am
dishwasher done
swept small balcony
wiped rail of same balcony (what, did prev tenant not even go out there the entire 30+ years she was here? i mean HULLO HUGE DUSTDIRT!)
tried to upload some photos to fb but page keeps breaking
took out my chore binder, checked today (in 2007..hrh), after i checked BHB and cuz it's saturday, there was no posting. yeap
bbl, i hope!
dishwasher done
swept small balcony
wiped rail of same balcony (what, did prev tenant not even go out there the entire 30+ years she was here? i mean HULLO HUGE DUSTDIRT!)
tried to upload some photos to fb but page keeps breaking
took out my chore binder, checked today (in 2007..hrh), after i checked BHB and cuz it's saturday, there was no posting. yeap
bbl, i hope!
Monday, February 15, 2010
smiling
Today was a good. Day. !
Marty's Sunday. I'm still attempting to overcome this disgusting mucouscold, so I enjoyed my little nap on the couch, in the sun (side note - HULLO SPRING HOW R U? ARRIVING A LITTLE EARLY, AREN'T WE? OH EL NINO AY, SURE OKAY). Then I continued the nap, upstairs, with Leiler. Oh how I love that baby.
Marty woke me up when it was time for me to leave for my doctor's appointment. I had a lovely drive down there, totally different from my commute last week to BC Women's Hospital! I still didn't see any Colbert posters ;\
I actually arrived nearly a half-hour early, so I spent some time with Sam Roberts in the car, drinking my coffee and texting =p Took a good look up & down Broadway before heading into the building. Read an issue of Canadian Geographic while I was waiting, and was introduced to the career of Fluvial Geomorphologist! Neat.
Dr. Chen is referring me to a Rheumatologist for my joint pain, and I had some x-rays done upstairs, of my lower back, and my left ankle. The x-ray Tech mentioned some Scoliosis in my lower spine, which I may or may not have been aware of.
Had a nice drive back home. When I arrived, however, I found out Dan was going to be coming over to our place for dinner, so we weren't going to drive out to Cloverdale. I was a bit disappointed; I had been looking forward to visiting out there. Would have been refreshing, kwim?
Ah well. Had a lovely pasta dinner (thanks for the cheese and bread, Dan!), and I cleaned up the kitchen and took out the garbage/recycling afterward. Now I'm enjoying my time on the couch here, with Dan messing with his iPhone, Marty guitaring, Drew eating cheese & watching cartoons, and Leila sleeping (hopefully for the night).
I allowed myself to explore the feelings I was having while driving, of missing my old job at the clinic and how it might feel to re-enter that whole job. Not that they even have anything available for me, but until now, I had knee-jerkedly refused to consider it without a bitter taste in my mouth. Perhaps it was that I was in the neighbourhood, but later, as I sat in the x-ray clinic waiting room, I felt a real longing for the day-to-day administrative (okay, secretarial) duties I had! Labels... Files... Printing... Hee. I will note: I never disliked any of that. So. I emailed Katie, just saying hi, as well as letting her know about the x-ray stuff above.
I've already announced on Facebook (may not have been a great idea, but at the time, I felt desperate (and hopeless)) that I'm looking for employment, so she (and others there, come to think of it) likely already knows. For me, the biggest downer is really finding (and paying for) daycare for the kids. The logistics... Guess this is what happens when you don't have an Oncoe Joe around to be the manny! ;|
Last thing - Marty is grumpy due to allergies, so I'm getting onto my high horse and stepping over the negativity and am going to help him in any way I can. Noble, yes, but also much better for both of us, in the long run!
Monday, February 8, 2010
2 things, immediately:
i. I feel like a fool.
ii. I will do anything for my family.
Hopefully, this means I can keep my nose above water instead of drowning. Hopefully, this means I can cultivate and maintain a sense of hope.
Let's say it's the end of the day, which it is. Let's highlight three positive things I can hold on to, as I (laugh) try and get to sleep tonight:
- Normalcy is good.
- $90 tomorrow (on top of last EI pmt)
- Marty is wonderful.
ii. I will do anything for my family.
Hopefully, this means I can keep my nose above water instead of drowning. Hopefully, this means I can cultivate and maintain a sense of hope.
Let's say it's the end of the day, which it is. Let's highlight three positive things I can hold on to, as I (laugh) try and get to sleep tonight:
- Normalcy is good.
- $90 tomorrow (on top of last EI pmt)
- Marty is wonderful.
a partial list
Accomplishe
-----------
Saturday, February 6, 2010
12:10pm
Dishwasher is running (1ier time!)
2 $1.00 houseplants bought last night dead-headed and re-potted, watered, on balcony
(L nap) (D play outside w/ neighbour)
M: 3 days left on vacation, incl today. Is vaccuuming out car, after tidying it. Wow!
4pm
just back from family walk to check out local corner store (got milk, tp, and a tube of candies). met TRAVIS(35) w/ 3 kids: 2 boys, 6.5 and 3.5, and a daughter, 17mos. Met ROYD? or sth.
marty ran robot while we were out.
i made grilled cheeses for lunnch, with cut up carrots
and sliced up an apple for Leila
gonna make sum chili without chili powder, onions, or green pepper, haah
MEAT WITH BEANS AND SOME TOMATOS ENJOY
what else?
watered the seeds-in-dirt in my greenhouse<3
swept kitchen floor
wiped down as much counter as i could before Leiler woke up
marty bathed the kids together
---
Sunday, February 7, 2010
4:59pm
Inspector Gadget is just ending. Joe and Dad are here. L is down for nap #2. Drew is lazing on floor. Dinner (roast) in oven. Marty doing ... something? ... in kitchen.
Got up, Marty requested if I'm gonna sleep, I should sleep on the couch so he can talk to me, hehe. Got up at 11-something. Shreddies, coffee. Lazed around on this lazy day (relaxy) until BEWM, remembered I said I'd go to the gym today. So I got ready and went. Did 10min superlyptical, various machines and some GroupPower-like work with the bar, and ten more minutes on the s'lyptic machine. Was awesome becaUSE i actually had my earphones for once so I had music of my choice!
-----------
Saturday, February 6, 2010
12:10pm
Dishwasher is running (1ier time!)
2 $1.00 houseplants bought last night dead-headed and re-potted, watered, on balcony
(L nap) (D play outside w/ neighbour)
M: 3 days left on vacation, incl today. Is vaccuuming out car, after tidying it. Wow!
4pm
just back from family walk to check out local corner store (got milk, tp, and a tube of candies). met TRAVIS(35) w/ 3 kids: 2 boys, 6.5 and 3.5, and a daughter, 17mos. Met ROYD? or sth.
marty ran robot while we were out.
i made grilled cheeses for lunnch, with cut up carrots
and sliced up an apple for Leila
gonna make sum chili without chili powder, onions, or green pepper, haah
MEAT WITH BEANS AND SOME TOMATOS ENJOY
what else?
watered the seeds-in-dirt in my greenhouse<3
swept kitchen floor
wiped down as much counter as i could before Leiler woke up
marty bathed the kids together
---
Sunday, February 7, 2010
4:59pm
Inspector Gadget is just ending. Joe and Dad are here. L is down for nap #2. Drew is lazing on floor. Dinner (roast) in oven. Marty doing ... something? ... in kitchen.
Got up, Marty requested if I'm gonna sleep, I should sleep on the couch so he can talk to me, hehe. Got up at 11-something. Shreddies, coffee. Lazed around on this lazy day (relaxy) until BEWM, remembered I said I'd go to the gym today. So I got ready and went. Did 10min superlyptical, various machines and some GroupPower-like work with the bar, and ten more minutes on the s'lyptic machine. Was awesome becaUSE i actually had my earphones for once so I had music of my choice!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
PACK
having to sit here, parenting my children, instead of scrubbing walls and cramming miscellanei in bins & boxes, is making me panicky. also, the dust and cobwebs - seems i'm growing less tolerant of them as i age.
so, i panic, surrounded by boxes and facing much-reduced floor space with which to parent said children. so i force myself to breathe deeply. but then i'm all too mindful of the dust and crap i'm breathing in, and i cease breathing, and panic more.
it'll all be over soon. how's that for POSITIVITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
so, i panic, surrounded by boxes and facing much-reduced floor space with which to parent said children. so i force myself to breathe deeply. but then i'm all too mindful of the dust and crap i'm breathing in, and i cease breathing, and panic more.
it'll all be over soon. how's that for POSITIVITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Monday, January 25, 2010
A bit later
I managed to!
- put Drew to bed in a nongrumpy (mostly) way
- made applesauce (for whole family)
- pureed some carrots for Leiler
- Marty may run Robee after he's done playing piano
Now I'm watching Jon Stewart (featuring Bill Gates! whom I recently began to follow on Tvittar).
I may fall over. More on that, later. ._.
- put Drew to bed in a nongrumpy (mostly) way
- made applesauce (for whole family)
- pureed some carrots for Leiler
- Marty may run Robee after he's done playing piano
Now I'm watching Jon Stewart (featuring Bill Gates! whom I recently began to follow on Tvittar).
I may fall over. More on that, later. ._.
alright
just to let you (?) know, things are okay. not great, but not down to fall2009-levels. it's just hard to pull my head out of my own ass to comment on things other than why my bones hurt, what the hell does a slightly elevated smooth muscle antibody mean, depression, anxiety, moving, fuck, shit, shit.
how about two things:
1. i've been surprised to see i haven't actually gained any weight since the fall. the only reason i'm not currently 210lbs is because i'm still breastfeeding.
2. increased lucidity is both welcome and frightening, at the same time.
how about two things:
1. i've been surprised to see i haven't actually gained any weight since the fall. the only reason i'm not currently 210lbs is because i'm still breastfeeding.
2. increased lucidity is both welcome and frightening, at the same time.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
An up day
Or, Maybe It's The Unopened Sleep Meds In My Possession!
Marty is finishing up a three-day weekend. And on the third day, we finally got some packing done. One tiny box; one old medium old potato box; and half of one "house" (according to Drew)-sized box. All from our bedroom. And it barely looks like we touched it... *insert manga crying gif here*
Marty did measure ... like, everything, though. And I did go grocery shopping ($223 after coupons - please let the record show I wasn't particularly passionate about
[new blog title: Not Particularly Passionate]
qualifying for the free $25 gift card with $250 spent, this time. Probably had something to do with the shopping trip being less than 24 hours after we figured we only had $60 for groceries until next week (alack, we must let the CCS payment slide, for now). I enjoyed the trip, especially paying only $4.83 for three prescriptions, including the new one (Zopiclone) Dr. Chen prescribed me yesterday. Yay for finally getting our health insurance billing fixed! We sign forms! We mail them in! There ain't nothing we can't do!!
When I returned home from the store, Marty had run Robie (our Roomba), and the piano (& corresponding end tables) had been moved so that we actually had a living room again. I love me some pianie, but I felt kind of at a loss there for two days, not having much room to loll around on the floor with my children. I pretty much got right to work in the kitchen, cleaning out the pantry of ingredients for granola a la Jamie UhwhatsisfaceCookGuy Ohyeah Oliver. That bumped up against preptime for dinner, so I ended up spending a grand amount of time in the kitchen.
Facebook status update: Wish I had a SLAP-CHOP(tm). Dinner prep would have likely been cut by at least half an hour, had I not needed to chop onions into tiny stupid bits.
The granola turned out (afaict) grand - will test with cold milk (as JO suggests ["is brilliant"]) in the morning. And the shepherd's pie, from allrecipes.com, was delicious! Thanks to Celia, for answering my call for help while I was in the produce aisle; yam mixed with
[Seinfeld interruption: Mr. Peterson: "Damnit, Elaine, that's not him, it's the yam-yam talking" (sic) (right? do i use 'sic' in this instance, for a paraphrase?)]
mashed potato made a delicious and more nutritious topping.
And then we watched hockey (6-2 Canucks over Penguins, yeehaah), we put Leila to bed, Marty bathed Drew, and I cleaned the kitchen (oh gross counter - I'll post a pic someday, after we move, so the yuckyness isn't so fresh and disturbingly close to me), and now alls that's left to do is de-Drew the living room and go to bed. 'Cept Leila just began moaning. Oh, and crying now. Gotta go.
Marty is finishing up a three-day weekend. And on the third day, we finally got some packing done. One tiny box; one old medium old potato box; and half of one "house" (according to Drew)-sized box. All from our bedroom. And it barely looks like we touched it... *insert manga crying gif here*
Marty did measure ... like, everything, though. And I did go grocery shopping ($223 after coupons - please let the record show I wasn't particularly passionate about
[new blog title: Not Particularly Passionate]
qualifying for the free $25 gift card with $250 spent, this time. Probably had something to do with the shopping trip being less than 24 hours after we figured we only had $60 for groceries until next week (alack, we must let the CCS payment slide, for now). I enjoyed the trip, especially paying only $4.83 for three prescriptions, including the new one (Zopiclone) Dr. Chen prescribed me yesterday. Yay for finally getting our health insurance billing fixed! We sign forms! We mail them in! There ain't nothing we can't do!!
When I returned home from the store, Marty had run Robie (our Roomba), and the piano (& corresponding end tables) had been moved so that we actually had a living room again. I love me some pianie, but I felt kind of at a loss there for two days, not having much room to loll around on the floor with my children. I pretty much got right to work in the kitchen, cleaning out the pantry of ingredients for granola a la Jamie UhwhatsisfaceCookGuy Ohyeah Oliver. That bumped up against preptime for dinner, so I ended up spending a grand amount of time in the kitchen.
Facebook status update: Wish I had a SLAP-CHOP(tm). Dinner prep would have likely been cut by at least half an hour, had I not needed to chop onions into tiny stupid bits.
The granola turned out (afaict) grand - will test with cold milk (as JO suggests ["is brilliant"]) in the morning. And the shepherd's pie, from allrecipes.com, was delicious! Thanks to Celia, for answering my call for help while I was in the produce aisle; yam mixed with
[Seinfeld interruption: Mr. Peterson: "Damnit, Elaine, that's not him, it's the yam-yam talking" (sic) (right? do i use 'sic' in this instance, for a paraphrase?)]
mashed potato made a delicious and more nutritious topping.
And then we watched hockey (6-2 Canucks over Penguins, yeehaah), we put Leila to bed, Marty bathed Drew, and I cleaned the kitchen (oh gross counter - I'll post a pic someday, after we move, so the yuckyness isn't so fresh and disturbingly close to me), and now alls that's left to do is de-Drew the living room and go to bed. 'Cept Leila just began moaning. Oh, and crying now. Gotta go.
Monday, January 4, 2010
happy new year
2010 is here, and with it, a promise to cease the self-absorption with and destruction of myself. i had to get pretty low, pretty stupid, to reach the point of change where i bounce back up, but what's done is done, and we're moving forward.
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