that face, with an upside-down nail clipping mouth... like a carved pumpkin.

today is day two of re-marvelonation. i shall use it as an excuse for how awful i feel right now. today. yesterday.


i've grown tired of this body
a cumbersome and heavy body


i'm feeling crap about, in particular, my big lack (not the table) of housewifely/SAHM house-cleanliness. order. tidyness. uhh.


the list i made of change to make
it blew away


my head hurts. i [still] just wanna lie on my stomach, on the floor. but i have what should be a very useful appointment with my therapist at 3, and i have no childcare, so with the kids in there with me, i doubt i will divulge what i [hope i] would otherwise share. confess. maaaahahahaah.


no change can happen. i feel like this. i feel stuck with my own destruction, brought upon solely by me.


and this is why i have decided
to pull these old white sheets from my head
lah lah emphasizing a very important LINE last night
lah lah lah creating a zebra with a permanent marker
lah lah suddenly, as B Capt, feeling i no longer simply exist amongst my neighbours, but have a target on my back (the survivor-leader syndrome? haa)


you don't need tricks
and you don't need me


d called me fat this morning, but he eventually took it back and reassigned the insult to a lego guy.
right.


focusing on the negative? immersing? dwelling? why not look up, look ahead, look around you, and think instead of the good things? that have happened since last visit. that happen every day.


wallow wallow. my son is calling me back from my 'blog break'.