Happy wedding anniversary!

I REALLY WANT SOME POTTING SOIL

fuck

!!!

With kyra. Felt uneasy due to weirdness of D nap.

Came inside, he woke up n came down just as M arrived home. M kids bath, me pass out (1.5ativan over course of day) in chair. Woke to scaredy squirrel on sod, toast, and M leaving for settlrrs at wayne's (ok).

Tried for quickest bed due to whining L & attitudy D, here I am finishing up. Sigh.

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this app sux

Cont..ugh.

Evening weird by D napping after being sent to room for dinner misbehaviour. L stayed outside and played surp. wel

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today

Walking to church with the children - felt fuckit/relaxed.

Walking home, after virtually no adult interaction - felt FML. Tried to fight it, but feeling continued from INSUFF corner store back home.

Sitting outside, w kids & neighbours - relaxed somewhat.

The usual dinner anxiety spike, made quick pasta, then evening wr

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today

On way to church

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h#-@-@

*shoots self in head

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how retarded?

SO RETARDED.










She's a bully to me, plain and simple.




Fuck this shit piss ass cock fuck cunt shit fuck.



OH AND
THANKS FOR NOT BACKING ME UP, MARTY
YOU KNOW
LIKE, SUPPORT?

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in bed with our phones

I sense he's annoyed with me. At least it's raining. And maybe kicking my ass at scrabble will make him feel better. Yeah, at least it's raining.

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at the agm heeh

It's not I didn't care, it's what I didn't show \ it's not what I didn't plan, it's what I didn't know

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o_°

Drew is at Lea's. Marty is singular day off. Leila & Mara are downstairs w him. Carolyn is arri

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hi

This is a blog.

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dis jour

Tidied, swept & mopped entryway. Wiped counter & toilet in lower washroom, and mopped floor. Baked oatmeal cookies! How? Watching Mara today!

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this rainy day

Well, I had wanted to reschedule my & L's appointment today with Dr C for sometime next week, because I was not looking forward to traipsing all the way to Vancouver for a non-urgent visit. But when the prospect of instead a day filled with NOTHING presented itself, the horror and disgust I felt outweighed any soggy transit anxiety I may have had.

So we went, and it wasn't terrible, and in fact I was able to voice some depression stuff w Dr C that I haven't been able to with my therapist (have had to miss last 2 appts due to lack of reliable daytime babysitter). And we got home, all with only minor annoyances.

So. Now doughnuts have arrived; I must leave you.

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the thing that i did today that i normally wouldn't do

noteworthy, that is: i wiped out the cutlery tray.

yep, big frickety deal, i hear ya saying.

but it was something. something that won't immediately be undone (like dishes, laundry, tidy...). so. here i note it.

nothing doing

instead of getting all stressed out and angsty and more diarrheal
here's what ima gonna do

just go through the day, focusing on what's at hand - children, housework
step-by-step
and if i have to miss this appointment again, then, well, what can i do about it right now, today, besides...
somehow, find a reliable daytime babysitter. uhhh.

no, don't think about smashing your forehead into a pulp on this desk.
just keep folding laundry, getting snacks for kids, washing dishes, staring off into the distance.


nothing has changed since yesterday, since sunday
my core is still there
i am still inside here
hello? heather, you in there?
yes. even if it's just a word.

post-lonche

I was gonna go work out in the gym they have here, but I had diarrhea instead. It's all the same in terms of weight loss, right?

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