Making toast as a bedtime snack

I'm thinking to myself, "I'm just like mom" when I pull the toast out of its slot and tell, "COCK-SUCKER!", having burned my finger on a raisin.

I'm sure she's grinning ear-to-ear with pride, up there in Heaven.

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Of some concern

I've re-started the imagined/hypothetical conversations in my head again. A useless thing. Wasted energy & pointless emotion. Hopefully the Korean spa can scrub this shit out of me, along with the dead and mauving skin.

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Addenda

-Ani diFranco's poem (song?) about September 11th gives me chills
- clematis don't like to be in containers (unless really deep?)

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Things i've learned from purging old papers in my file bins

- it is really, really hard for me to touch all those memories
- I went to a lot of movies in 1999
- I wrote myself a "love note" sometime between 2000 & 2004
- I still feel the guilt of not writing/replying to letters from friends (only slightly improved now with the internet)
- I detected and knew I needed to fix the great hole in me where I lacked spirituality, as far back as 2004
- I'm seeing a very old friend perform her debut concert tomorrow (today, eep), and I just found & re-read a letter from her in which she admits contemplating suicide at the age of 14 or 15
- student loans are VERY MESSY. DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THEM!
-fuck, I made some damned stupid mistakes in regard to my debts.

This has been very, very hard but I suppose it must also be somewhat cathhartic, no? Ask me in six months. Sigh.

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Vite

Just to note: I'm exhausted. Could be daylight savings, could be fighting off of cold. Barely made it through the laundry (we still have a bedroom floor!).

Not a crazy week ahead afaict, but a week nonetheless. So, bed. Good night.

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