SSRI DS entry one

We're looking at: halflife of 1.5 days or 36 hours

so internet expert says times it by 5 for it to get it out of your brain and body and liver and um spleen or something

i type like this because i am i feel manic
okay so basically it's that i against my doctors wishes decided to taper off my celexa meds because her theory is that it can't hurt!! to be on it the rest of my goddamned life!!!!! and my theory is PBBTH that.

she says that in the past year i've had several relapses into depression/anxiety and i say well yes let's see, my son was born and i had PPD... my mother died... so did my uncle. my grandfather was in the hospital for much of 2007... NO SHIT I'VE FELT DEPRESSED
but the idea is
i have TOOLS now
um
to deal with depression: i know it's temporary and won't last forever and
to deal with anxiety: " and also tools like breathing, perspective, outside, photography reading sharing talking. and ativan heh. if needed.

our internet guy who says the website to SAFELY STOP TAKING CRAZY MEDS says oh yeah i already wrote about that above. the 5 times thing. well he also says to track your symptoms, and about.com or something mentions SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome and I'm certainly experiencing part of that. let's see:
2 nights ago i started taking the smaller of half of half a tablet (plus one whole one still) [my dosage was 30mg/day which is one and one-half tablet] and i had been taking the larger (pill splitter is not exact splittage in half) one for since perhaps, saturday the 22nd. or so? today being the 29th of course. anyway i started to feel some familiar weirdness yesterday, but last night i -really- started to feel it especially the anxiety part of it and went to bed at 9:30 for reals after putting drew down and accidentally falling asleep somewhere after 8:30pm.
marty 'let' me sleep in and i had already been having disturbingsomewhat dreams but i still ended up sleeping (for escape i think) until almost noon! too much sleep, definitely.
then i had 2 cups of 'starbucks' (home) coffee which i'm sure didn't help. plus i had coffeee last night too. maybe also being somewhat constipated hasn't been helping, either. it's a good thing i'm off work until january 2nd. hahahahahahah. ug.

it feels like my neck is vibrating
differetn parts of the day today
my hands felt like they were vibrating while i was driving and i'm fairly sure it wasn't the steering wheel what was vibrating.
internet dude mentions 'brain shakes' and i guess i can sort of relate not that i want to entirely.

i felt anxious right after we got to lougheed mall with marty drew joey it was not a good place for me to be
i was really cold up at sfu letting the fish 'go' but it was also just really cold up there.
joey drew and marty all say they're going to help me through this and i know dad will too because we had a good long frank discussion about it weeks ago just me and him one night. about being on meds if you don't NEED to be on meds and etc etc. etc.



hey guess what my horoscope says for today!
Having a concrete plan makes you feel better, but it still may be difficult to turn your ideas into action. Don't be hard on yourself if you cannot yet get the traction you need. You know that the best ideas take time to develop. Remember that you are caught between your optimism and the obstacles you now face. Be patient; it could take another month for things to really take off, once Mars turns direct on January 30.
By Rick Levine
Saturday, December 29, 2007

how come it's sometimes right? heh heh heh

yes definite bodily shakings. well at least it feels so, inside. slightly nauseous. no headache atm!! but worries about loss of vision or affected vision. because i've got problems with depth perception and more than usual worries or problems with using correct vocabulary. i'm also talking really fast and typing really fast. my eyes are really wide? or feel like they are.

tonight is the henshaw gathering which i WAS so excited about but now not so sure i'm that excited although i am going,,, just because i feel this way and driving is kind of scary and at least i have my ativan but going with drew and me and noone else is ... i'll have to suck it up which i am somewhat partly confident i can do. heh.